Positive Parenting: Communication & How to Talk to Kids

How to Talk to Kids

In the second installment of my 12-part series addressing Positive Parenting, I move to the topic of communication. Everyone has varying skills when it comes to communication, especially when it comes to talking to your kids, but are your skills effective and working well? If you’re unsure or would like to improve your communication (and who doesn’t?), read on!

Communication can be a very broad topic to tackle as a parent. Whether you’re communicating with your baby or teen, it can be overwhelming to know how to talk to kids at each age and stage. To make it more digestible, I’ve broken it down into five aspects all of which can apply to the youngest baby through to the oldest child in your home. If you are aware of and mindful of these five aspects moving forward, communication will improve with your kids and everyone else in your life so it’s truly a win/win for everyone.

As famed educator Carol. B. Hillman once said, “One of the most important things we adults can do for young children is to model the kind of person we would like them to be.” By modeling good, solid, and open communication with our kids, they will become open and skilled adult communicators and that’s our goal as parents.

Five Key Aspects of Solid Communication with Your Kids:

1. Speaking: How you express yourself through words can make or break an interaction with your child. There are several key questions you need to ask yourself as you speak with your kids:
-Do you express yourself in clear, concise words that are age appropriate for your child? 
-Are you speaking with them or at them? 
-Are you lecturing vs. explaining? Being “preachy” never works with kids. 
-Are you giving your child a chance to speak?
2. Body Language: Think about your body language…what message does it send? I never thought much about it until I started working with parents who complained, “My child just doesn’t listen to me.” Once we explored their child/parent interactions in detail, I realized the importance and significance of body language. If you are standing above your small child or have your arms crossed, that sends a very different message than if you have open body language and are on their level.
3. Eye Contact: When you look your child in the eye, you have a much better chance of improving your communication with them. You are also teaching them the importance of direct eye contact which is a key skill that every child needs to learn.
4. Select Your Words Carefully: Are you rambling? Unclear? Children listen better when someone speaks clearly. It sounds easy, but we all need to improve on this. Are you being negative or positive? Children listen better with positive statements rather than critical ones.
5. Tone and Volume: My children taught me this crucial step in communication very early in my parenting career when they would ask me, “Mommy are you angry?” When I replied, “No,” they would say, “Well you sound angry, Mommy.” As I thought about this further, I realized that they were right, and my voice did sound angry just like my mom’s did to me as a child. When I realized this, and actively changed my tone and volume when speaking to my kids, my children listened better, and our communication improved.

No matter what, remember that being a parent is an ongoing learning process. Nothing happens overnight but some things do improve quickly. My goal is to assist parents in developing helpful tools (like how to talk to kids) to raise successful, confident, and healthy children. As our children grow and learn, so do we and that’s what it’s all about.

Please feel free to test my suggestions on how to talk to kids above and see what results you receive. I’d love to know how they worked for you and your family.

I look forward to joining you on this journey of Positive Parenting. Please look for my next installment of the series soon!